if we make it through december

hello blog and i apologize for my long leave of absence, as my life has been a whirlwind recently. this post will be a complete mess as it will consist of brain spillage and some photo diaries.

recently not only have i been through all stages of grief multiple times, but i've indulged in copious amounts of retail therapy and delirious journaling. i reread my year of rest and relaxation, played fiona apple on my cd player, and fell down the sofia coppola hole once again. winter is the season in which i thrive.

the coldness on my cheeks makes me feel truly alive and the shivers we all feel makes me feel as if i'm not alone. frigid winter warms my heart.

i rewatched black swan twice in a row and there will be a blog post coming soon about the feminine paradox of that film as well as an overall analysis into the piece of media that poisoned me into the girl i am today. i watched black swan at the ripe age of 12 and i have not been the same person ever since. speaking of recent watches, i watched eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, which genuinely destroyed my mind. clementine is a woman i deeply identify with. one of my fatal flaws is manic pixie dream girling too far into the sun. i also went to the independent cinema a couple weeks ago and watched red scare girlie dasha nekrasova's film "the scary of sixty-first" which was a shitshow. red scare is controversial in and of itself, and watching this film makes me question what goes on in dasha's brain even more. one scene consists of a girl possessed by jeffery epsteins sex slave masturbating violently on the steps of an upper east side apartment sooo...???

overindulgence is the theme for this bleary winter for me. i've been lounging around in lush bubble baths for hours at a time watching a french new waves. drowning in this gut wrenching music has been my form of masochism. stranger in the alps has been on repeat for me all month. i am totally reverting to my old cliches too. god teenage girls are so predictable.

besides reading the rookie magazine archives, in december the culmination of nutcracker season closed with aches and pains and bleeding toes as usual. i enjoyed my fleeting moments on stage, though i did fuck up a sequence of four pirouettes into a soté off stage.

to close out this catastrophic discombobulation that i call a piece of my writing, i would like to share with you blog, some photographs from this past december.

xoxo, emi